Black moon lilith
With Lilith moving into Capricorn (my sign) I have been thinking about my inner bitch. Who she is, what she likes, who she could offend. I gotta tell you, it feels liberating. Not being nice to people out of obligation. Telling people where they can shove their unwanted ideas, thoughts and opinions. Not giving people what they want if it doesn’t align, interest me or benefit me in anyway. To be bold and brash and bitchy. Ooh baby. Being free to let loose anger, envy, blame, judgement and wallow indulgently in all of them. To complain and moan and whinge just for the hell of it. To embrace my inner sloven and eat or drink or sleep too much. To let go of some socially obliged hygiene habits. (Come on you know you want to.) To reserve the right to be pleasant, scowling at strangers rather than forcing smiles. To give up passivity in place of fierceness. To be batty and weird and strange, laughing hysterically whenever, wherever. To wear mismatched clothes and other odd things just for the sake of it. To give up being positive and hopeful and instead be negative and morbid and downright grumpy. Hmm sounds great, doesn’t it?
Now I know we have to maintain relations with the people in our lives and the strangers we share elevators and sidewalks with. And that some of this behaviour may not gel so well or be conducive to forging close relations but at some point don’t you just have to give up? Give up the politeness, give up being appropriate, give up being perfect, give up holding your tongue? I’m not talking about meanness or cruelty towards others just about embracing the so-called negative traits that we all have and usually keep under lock and key, scared that if anyone saw them we would be abandoned. What I’m talking about is embracing our saucy shadowy sides.
Ooh our often forgotten, mostly maligned shadows. We tell ourselves we should always do the honourable thing, rise above, come from a higher place and generally be good. But this doesn’t really honour the whole of us. More than not honour us it actually harms us because our very natural “negative” feelings then seem very bad. Maybe we are sick of a situation, are justifiably angry at someone, or have had a bad day and feel grumpy. If we don’t allow ourselves to feel these things and be angry, grumpy and frustrated, then we disconnect from our truth and tell ourselves that there is something wrong with us for being “negative”.
Understanding our shadow or “not nice” side is vital to understanding ourselves. We can’t be good or perfect all the time, no one can and no one is supposed to. We don’t want that kind of pressure on ourselves, it’s far too much and doesn’t feel what life is meant to be about. If we want to live whole and authentic lives we have to experience the negative stuff and our negative sides. We can’t always be creative, sometimes we need to be destructive. We can’t always be positive, sometimes we need to be negative.
We are scared that by embracing our inner bitches then we will be unloved and abandoned. But I actually think that the more we accept this side of ourselves, the closer the relationships we have. If we can trust our friends and family enough to let them see our “bad” sides and realise that they still love and accept us then that’s true bonding, true connection. It also allows them to know it’s ok to show us their “negative” stuff too. We all begin to understand that who we are is fundamentally ok, warts and all.
It doesn’t have to be heavy. It’s our judgements that make it heavy. It can be really light to let yourself bitch, moan, pig out. It wont last forever. The positivity, the hope, the creation, the light will all come back. But in a more real, lasting and authentic way.