Looking to love

Looking to love

We are in the midst of yet another dark moon before the new moon in Pisces (on Saturday morning in New York). And the next few days where the moon is at its darkest, it’s normal to feel more emotional or heavier. Maybe it’s when you feel at your darkest too. It can be hard if everything around you feels heavy or impossible or wrong; not to feel heavy, impossible or wrong too. It’s easy to take responsibility and tell ourselves that we are the problem, that we are the cause of the distress, the unease. That there is something wrong about who we are and that is why we experience difficulties, why we are faced with fears, why things aren’t going the way we would like them to.

But so-called negative feelings are going to come up – dark moon or no dark moon; and, while it’s unfortunate, things aren’t always going to go the way we want them to. This isn’t necessarily bad or a sign that there is anything wrong with us. Really it’s probably just characteristic of the natural ups and downs of this ol’ thing called life.

So what are we meant to do in these times when everything feels too hard, when we are overwhelmed with our heaviness, our darkness? It sounds corny but maybe our only choice is to come back to love. Love for ourselves, the people in our lives, our animal friends, the things that we do that we love, even the material possessions that we have that we love. Love is simple. Love is clear. Love is light. And love can help us through the heavy, dark and hard times.

I think it can be easy to disregard or even take for granted all the love we currently have access to in our lives. I know I do, all the time. It can be natural to focus all your attention on what you don’t have rather than what you do –whether it’s material things that you want, jobs you’d love to have, relationships that you wish for. Focusing on what you don’t have and what you haven’t yet been able to create doesn’t leave any space or time to realise what you do have, what you have created, how love-filled your life already is.

Sometimes we think that love should be a natural thing, that flows in its own way, and that we don’t control or have any power or choice over. And maybe that’s true. Maybe we can’t choose the things that we love or that we want. Depending upon your beliefs, maybe a lot of those choices are made for us. We can choose to really acknowledge it though. To tend, to appreciate, to fully feel, love.

Really feel love for the people closest to you. See their goodness, their light, their vulnerabilities, see their courage in the way they handle the situations in their lives. Notice the love you might feel for the people who make up your day to day. Maybe you don’t know a lot about them but you see them and they are gentle, and sweet and caring and trying and human and loving and you can really appreciate and feel all of that to. Feel love for the animals around you, feel their unending, unconditional love, their support. Feel and recognise the things that they love, a sniff, a scratch, a walk, a meal. Really feel and recognise the parts of your work or what you do that you love, the people around you who help you do the things you do, the creativity, the security it provides, whatever it is. Feel and experience the love you have for the things in your life, your clothes, your toothbrush, a book, the food you get to eat, even your cell phone for keeping you connected and entertained.

Gratitude doesn’t have to be a heavy thing, where we feel guilty for wanting more because we should already feel so grateful for what we have. But gratitude in itself can be really pure. Maybe gratitude is simply recognition for the love in our lives. It doesn’t need to be complicated. I wholeheartedly, devotedly, completely and utterly love coffee. I just do. I can’t help it. Really experiencing and feeling that fullness of love and appreciation for it feels so bloody good, it just can’t be a bad thing.

We put judgements on our feelings. We put judgements on our fears and on our situation. But it’s not our fault, there is nothing wrong with who we are and we don’t need to blame ourselves. Having love and compassion for yourself means you honour and appreciate everything in your life that you have achieved, have created. Even the smallest things that you do, have done, how you live, are important and matter and make a difference. I think it’s easier to see our faults and where we’ve gone wrong. But so many times you have also probably really gone right too. Or in so many ways, you have shown courage and bravery. Or in so many ways you have cared and been supportive to others and been a good, loving, honourable human.

When you feel low, or overwhelmed, or scared, or negative, or tired, or dark or heavy go back to love. Give yourself something that you love, whatever it is. It doesn’t need to be big, lofty or complicated. Feeling love for the smallest thing can bring the lightness back, can remind you of who you are, of why you’re here. Really allow yourself to feel love, to experience it. It’s like all those songs say, not only is it all around you, it’s also all you need.