At the risk of being wafty, this week I seem to have more questions than anything else. But bear with me because maybe we’ll figure it out together. I’ve been thinking about resistance and how we use it and why it comes up. How it often connects to the things we want the most or what we are fated or destined for. Someone once told me I was energetically saying no to everything in my life. And then (somewhat naturally I think), I started to feel angry at myself, for getting in my own way. But do we really? When things don’t go the way we want it’s easy (at least I find this for myself) to believe it’s your fault that maybe you aren’t being open enough, aren’t allowing enough, that you are blocking your own ability to manifest and create and shine. It’s a painful thought that one, because how can it not lead to self blame, shame and anger; especially when the resistance itself often doesn’t feel like something that we can really control or alter.
Something I am struggling with the moment is how much control we have. Yes it’s good to be aware of what you want and go for it with everything you have but in the end can we control the outcome? Maybe sometimes it feels like we can and sometimes it doesn’t. But if we are really resisting the things in our lives, and we are in control; then maybe there’s a reason why we are slowing things down or stopping them. And maybe that is ok. If we are going to be self aware and practice self acceptance, we need to be okay with every part of ourselves, including the scared part that may feel timid or unsure about what is happening around you. Maybe too, it’s not about being angry or have a strong or forceful reaction by trying to be more open in response to the resistance but rather being curious about why you might feel resistant to whatever it is you’re doing; a job, a relationship, your creations, new friends etc. I really hate the feeling or the idea that we could stand in our own way. Because aren’t we meant to trust ourselves, and accept that there is a part of us that is ok even if it’s energetically saying no. A gentle approach with ourselves is surely better than an angry one. Why do I need more time to be ready; why might I be scared if this thing were to happen?
And then, what if we aren’t actually in control at all, and so when things don’t happen the way we want them to it’s not our fault or because of our resistance, and we haven’t failed at manifesting and creating but instead need to accept that we don’t have full and complete responsibility. We can’t dictate what will happen, how long it will take or really anything. Which can be a scary old thought when we naturally have goals, aims and desires. Letting go of the idea we are in control takes practice and patience and probably something you face throughout your whole life as you keep balancing between feeling powerful, in control and in charge and then completely out of control, at the mercy of fate or destiny. Both ideas probably have some truth in them and maybe it’s just about learning to shift between the two.
There is also undeniably a great power, strength and even fun to be had in saying no. To say no to this, no to that and to mean it and not do it even if you should or it’s the “right” thing to do. Being a rebel and saying a big F-you to what’s around. There is some freedom in that, and what’s so bad about that? Because maybe you just can’t be perfect all the time: always open always available always gracefully accepting and allowing. Sometimes it’s good to just say no.
I’m not sure if I feel clearer or more confused and I apologise if you’ve taken the time to read this far and are now scratching your head wondering why you didn’t just check out dailymail. I think it comes back to accepting yourself; your whole self. Not feeling disappointed or like a failure or frustrated with yourself but instead knowing that whatever happens, you are ok and that every part of you: the positive, open and receptive part as well as the scared, closed, rebellious part is ok too. And forgive yourself, because it’s not easy. Life is challenging and confusing, unpredictable and even sometimes plain weird. You don’t need to be perfect in all of that, just keep finding and being you.