Astrology has been a hot topic in my household lately, with constellation-covered books passed around and birth charts examined. A key idea in astrology is that in everyone’s birth chart, i.e. everyone’s life, there are paradoxes and contradiction. That there are opposing traits, inclinations or tendencies that are meant to and hopefully can be accepted and integrated over a life.
That makes so much sense to me and gives me a lot of relief. I have always given myself a hard time for not being consistent, or for changing my mind, or wanting different and sometimes contradictory things, for not always being rational (or sensible for that matter).
We can get so attached to the idea of who we are that it can be difficult to allow ourselves to be something or someone else as well. When these “other” desires or needs come up which don’t fit within the mould of us, then we can feel embarrassed or judge ourselves as being irrational, inconsistent and flakey. In this hostile environment, it’s easy to push whatever it is down and not listen to these “inconsistent” needs.
But the whole idea of consistency when it comes to people, or any animal for that matter, seems a bit irrelevant. We aren’t meant to be the same, respond in the same way, want the same things – that doesn’t allow for change, adaptation or evolution. There are many different parts of us and there are meant to be; and acknowledging them and accepting them as much as we can and learning to integrate and nurture all of the different sides and needs of us over our lifetime feels important.
I think it gets tricky when we feel the pressure of being consistent to fit in with a group. If you realise you don’t always share similar interests or desires it can feel very isolating. I think we can look to each other to validate our choices so if someone doesn’t want what I want it’s easy to believe that what I want is wrong, or maybe what they want is wrong. If we can let go of the “rights” and “wrongs” and accept that people can be many shades; it allows for more closeness and acceptance.
In each of us, we balance our strong, aggressive, masculine sides with our more sensitive, gentle feminine sides. And this can feel like a contradiction. That we can be aggressive, active, passionate, rational and forceful and also be gentle, nurturing, passive and emotional. We can be light, have faith, be generous, positive and kind. We can also be dark and distrusting, cynical and calculating. There has to be place for all of these different sides of us to be ok, with us. To know that we aren’t failing if we need seemingly divergent things. We are just humans, being human.